Jumat, 19 September 2008
Behind This Smile
well, i'm back...not bec im not in front of computer for so long, but its bec sometime im afraid to write, its bec i ever hurt someone by to honest, about my feeling...even everything get better between us, but i cannot take it back (read: my words) bec its already stay in her mind, today i start again to write bec i was inspired by someone name sherina...i love to read her blog.
anyway, here i am still sitting in my desk, write on my office computer...mmhh some ppl might think i am do little corruption..but, i relaly have nothing todo here, just take a seat, put smile and input some data, wich is not much, rest of my time, i do it for chatt or browsing, or writing my blog, like what im doing now..my dump friend told me about, u are in where u are to be, and u get ure partner or u get in love is in the place that ure often there, well she is quite rite, and maybe she not that dump anymore..yeaaaa i guess she is not, even if i told the story about her here, she will never ever know, bec she never know my blog site..so..i free to talk about anything behind her back...thats not what i want, though...im not gonna talk about her here, this is my blog, and of course i want talk about my self here...
the line that she was told me, its right, im here, face maya world all the time, even i know exactly i have balancing life, i mean, i have gorgeouse family and frenz in my real life, and i have great chat mate in maya world, but sometime i argue with my real frenz a bout this, we argue a lot, but she open her mind up eventually, i stuck with my maya love stories, i have stories a bout that..strange things is, im not that bad in fisically, but why i never can get tru lover..im not cyber world love advantures, i just seeking for real Love, i want be wive and mom from some1 who worth to have my love, no matter where i knew him...
its almost end of years, even its still september, its just time running so fast for me, maybe for everybody..last years i was thinking i must be married by now, bec i have relationship with someone that i thought he is the one, but im totally wrong, and another strange things was happend..i didnt cry for him..i was shock my self, i mean how can i take decision to marry him, while im not sure about my own feeling, its mean, im totally desperate, desperate women who willing to tied the knot with someone, even stranger
alhamdullilah, allah save me from that rest of life disaster, and guide me to the right way, even i still nots ure who is the right person for me, bec honestly i still afraid, i mean my sister will get married next year, and i have to married first, so she can....i hope next year will be perfect time for me to get my happiness, i dont know with who, i have sooo many choices...but all of them is uncertain..poor me, isnt it??yeah i enjoy the feeling, like roller coaster..someone from the pass was back..im not gonna tell you who is he, like i wrote here, i have soo many, and thank gud, noone know my ID...im not a player...its just about try to find someone who really into me..i dont wanna think about what i feel, bec im sure, if someone love me, with all his heart, well i will do the same esealy ...mmmh i ever read the book "if love is a game, these r the rules, and talking about love your self and people will love u..well thats what im doing..i still wondring why man in middle age often falling in love with me..oopss not falling in love, thast too deep...i mean LIKE me..i dont know wich part of me..all i know that..whenever i dress up like a women, like outfit for work, i have sex apeal..mayb thats why man atractive to me..mmh is that gud things?????thats the quetion i never know the answer..but sometime i proud of it..i am women anyway..hahaha!!